Throughout Hope's early childhood years, she had several frightening febrile seizures (seizures caused by fevers), which were very frightening to me, even as a nurse. Watching as her body stiffened and her eyes stared off is frightening enough. But then her breathing appeared to stop for what seemed like hours. Having no control over the situation magnified my fears to the point of dread that I would lose her. One particular time when she was about five years old and hospitalized following a seizure, I called my mom.
“You need to give Hope to God. Just give her over to Him. You can’t live in fear,” Mom said. “I’m going to pray for God to give you peace.”
As she prayed I let go knowing that God loved her even more than I and He had the ability to protect her, so that I could set worry aside and rest.
The following morning Hope woke and said she’d had a dream. It was the first time she had mentioned dreaming except for nightmares that sometimes woke her up crying.
“I was flying,” she said.
“I’ve had that dream before,” I replied. “And it was great! I loved that dream.”
Hope’s eyes widened. “Did you ride on the angel’s back, too?”
“No. Did you?”
“Yes!” she shouted, her smile stretching from ear to ear, as her body stiffened with excitement.
I was a little apprehensive as I asked, “What did you do, Hope?”
“We went to heaven and saw Jesus.”
Goose bumps covered my arms. Only the night before I wondered how long I would have Hope. My question remained unanswered, and the thought of her going to heaven soon didn’t comfort me at all. But she was excited! That picture of Hope riding on an angel’s back to heaven and into the arms of Jesus was planted in my heart that morning, giving me something to hold on to when that day ever comes.
As much as we might not want to believe it life and death are far out of our control. It’s frightening to realize that life can change in a split second, forever changing life as we know it. And when you have a sick child, tomorrow doesn’t matter; today is all that matters. You can barely look past one second to the next. God doesn’t always answer our prayers the way we would wish for, but we can be confident that He is in control and we can trust Him. Thank you, Lord for answers to prayers. Even when I don't understand I will trust in You always.
I am still waiting on the right publishing company. A couple encouraging turns along the way, God seems to know just when I need them. These words from a publishing company, "This is an endearing story, well written. Life-affirming, told with gentleness and poignancy.I think this is a story that needs to be shared."
I am comforted by God's word:
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21
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