Wednesday, December 26, 2012

A Daddy's Love

     I called my dad yesterday for Christmas. Well, actually my husband picked up the phone and asked, "What is Dad's number?" and he called. It is always so good to hear my Dad's voice, because I can feel his love for me across the miles. He lives in Kentucky, where I grew up. My parents divorced when I was in 5th grade and my Dad remained close to my sister and I. Was he perfect? Did we sometimes wait for him to show up to take us for the weekends? I really have never focused on the imperfections from my childhood. What I do know is my Dad was always there~ a phone call away. As I spoke to my Dad last night I honestly can say it was like a warm blanket over me. He sees me and knows my heart. He knows I love God and have followed Him all my life. He is proud of me and choices I have made. He is so happy for the love I have been blessed with in my marriage. My Dad loves me. He wants the best for me. Without hesitation he accepted my husband with arms wide open~ into the family, because he had a Father's eyes for me.

     My dad has lived a quiet faith in God. He is a man faithful and honest. I am proud to be his daughter. Because of his love for me I can see that this has had a tremendous effect on my relationship with God. "They" say if you received love from your earthly father~ then it is easier to receive the love of your Father in heaven. I am constantly growing in this area. Realizing it is not based on my performance or lack of, but because I am His child. Thank you Daddy for loving me unconditionally. You have been a beautiful example of my heavenly Father's love for me too.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Be Careful Little Eyes What You See...

I remember singing this song as a child:

Be careful little eyes what you see, Oh, be careful little eyes what you see. For the Father up above is looking down with love. Oh, be careful little eyes what you see.

Be careful little ears what you hear, Oh, be careful little eyes what you hear. For the Father up above is looking down with love. Oh, be careful little ears what you hear.

Today while on the computer looking at facebook and twitter I was led to a YouTube video exposing evil of the music industry. I will not post it, although it was revealing of the powers of darkness. After finishing the video I am reminded of the devil's schemes in this area. When he is exposed he fights back. I need to write this blog today to encourage you all to be self-controlled and alert. 1 Peter 4:8 Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith~We must guard our hearts and minds. Just that little bit of information I was exposed to today, even as it was revealing of the darkness, could be used to draw in and distract.  After the video I immediately wanted to restore my mind to the goodness of God and His faithfulness. I am sad for those who are leaving the door open to the "angel of light" without even realizing. Call him lucifer, satan or any one of his demons, believe it or not, there is a battle for your soul. Ephesians 6:12-17 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth bucked around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray . . . 

In light of the shooting in Newtown,  a door left open and evil was entertained. That evil is prowling around all of us. We recognize murder as evil, but the devil's schemes are devious. Live for God. Psalms 34:14  Turn from evil, do good; seek peace and pursue it.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Cheerful Heart is good medicine!

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

I was decorating the Christmas tree the other night with the help of Hope. She was so excited to be of assistance and I was taking full advantage of it. She drove her wheelchair around to the very spot she wanted to hang a special ornament then she said, "Proverbs 17:22 Do you have somewhere you can read this from? It is in your Bible. Can you get the Bible and read it?" I do not want to pass up these moments~ so I took the time. Proverbs 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. I told her that was a beautiful verse. Hope then thrust an ornament toward me with a proud smile. It was a little mouse dressed as a nurse holding a spoonful of heart shaped medicine drops. A cheerful heart is good medicine.

What is cheerful? Love is! What is love? Love is...patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, is not rude, is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13

So love forgives quickly, turns from evil, thinks on what is right and pure. Obeys God's word and peace fills your heart. A cheerful heart is good medicine ! 

Friday, November 16, 2012

Thank you ~ my dear friends!

     This week I have been troubled by something. You know that saying~ you don't know another person's hardships until you have walked a mile in their shoes? I do not want to be that person who bemoans past difficulties in order to receive love and understanding from others. However, there has been a silence on my part in the past to protect. It was not out of denial, it was my self perseverance and protection mode. As I have walked this road since my divorce I daily remind myself I live to glorify God and it is Him who I seek to please. He alone knows my heart.  I know I have struggled with judging so I understand those who judge and I have been one to withhold and punish~ so I get it. It falsely seems like the correct behavior at times. . . I still find myself doing this more often than I would like to admit. I believe those who are more aware of the mercy and forgiveness they have received throughout their life - are able to extend it to others freely. I have been that person in the past who has withheld my encouragement or acceptance of someone I did not deem worthy. They had to prove themselves faithful, trustworthy = perfect. Not too many of those out there. So now as I have been on the other side of receiving, I see clearly it is not how Christ calls us to love. I have received great mercy, love and forgiveness and I am thankful to be growing in this area of extending the same to others. Who am I? Not a perfect person, but I have the perfect example of unconditional love.

Today I write this with a VERY thankful heart to many dear friends who have shown the same love to me. . . I have learned so much from you.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

4 Books that have changed my Life!

First and foremost #1 is God's words. True and powerful. I need it, as food for my soul and water for my thirst. Last night as I was "stressing out" as Hope refers to it. Her and my husband, Don began to sing, "Shout to the Lord all the earth let us sing. Power and majesty praise to the King. Mountains fall down and the seas roar at the sound of your Name." (I hope I got the words right, because Hope usually is correcting me as I sing, so excuse any wrong words). The praise song from God's word lifted my soul and I became thankful. I know if I am discontent it is, because I have neglected to spend adequate time being nourished by God's word. The answer is to slow down, sit down and pull out my Bible and praise Him. It works every time!!

The other 3 books:
During a period of great growth in my life I was reading daily from Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al-Anon and The Language of Letting Go. These 3 books helped me learn how to keep my focus off fixing and controlling other people and recognizing what that looked like~ because I didn't even realize I did it. Let's just give one example: If you say something once, that is OK. If you repeat yourself, then you are trying to control or change a person or situation to what is your own desires= to what makes you comfortable. I also learned how to change this way of thinking and behaving ~ to acceptance, love and letting go. Over responsiblity and care giving can enable an other's growth and responsibility for them self. This can be frustrating, overwhelming in the beginning as you let go, but it is a more joyful way of living. The awareness and practical application these books brought into my life are immeasurable. I have learned to recognize quicker when I am trusting in myself instead of trusting in God.

As Don and Hope finished singing I joined them,  "I sing for joy at the works of your hands forever I praise you, forever I stand. Nothing compare to the promise I have in YOU!"

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Special Prayer Answered. . .

      ~God has reached down and touched my heart. Yesterday I received a very special endorsement from Melody Green, Keith Green's widow. She runs Last Days Ministry at

     ~ Since the beginning of my work on this book, 15 years ago- I prayed to one day have Melody's endorsement. I contacted her once I signed the contract for the book. The return response was they do not give endorsements. I was discouraged for a couple minutes, then I believed God wanted to bless me. I contacted them again and I prayed believing He would change their hearts. I waited and prayed over the next 2 weeks. They did reconsidered and Melody wrote a beautiful endorsement!! I was excited beyond words when I received the endorsement, all I could do was smile and cry! I knew God's love for me is real and active.

     Keith Green had a major impact on my life as a teenager. I loved his music and his passion for Jesus. He had a huge heart for mission work. The Lord spoke strongly to me through his ministry and at a young age I was drawn to missions. Keith and Melody were also prolife and educated many through tracks. I believe this is where I first gathered information about protecting life.

    Keith died in a plane crash in the early 80's and his ministry continues on through the work his wife. On my mission to Ghana, Africa 7 years ago I sang one of his songs in a small village church, I know my Redeemer lives! Now God has chosen to bless me with this very special endorsement to show His Love for ME!

     We need not be afraid to come to God and cry out to Him. He loves us and is always making a way to show His love for us. Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.


Monday, September 10, 2012

Did I really hear You right?

Have you ever asked God to give you a sign?
~Show me what to do?
~Open this door if you want me to walk through.
~Shut this door if it is not your will.

 I know I have and have even been known to ask God to confirm the sign He showed me. I guess I am not alone ~ there was a man in the Bible who did the same thing~ Gideon. In my opinion he really pushed it asking for 3 signs! He had fear in his heart. He wanted to trust God. I was surprised by God's patience and love toward Gideon. He knew Gideon's heart and knew he wanted to serve Him and obey. Gideon lacked confidence. Stepping out in faith against fear of man and the unknown, takes knowing who you put your trust in. I want to put my trust in the Creator of the universe.

I did not ask for another sign~ in regards to the completion of In That Secret Place ~ An Abortion Survivor's Story. My last blog I shared how God made it very clear to me with the roar of thunder and electricity shutting off as the last page of the book printed and came to rest on the computer desk..."It is Finished".  I knew who created that thunder and I knew the timing was specific and I knew the message was for ME! There has not been a doubt, except for a small section in the book ~ 2 paragraphs to be exact. I was considering changing or removing. I felt exposed . . . too vulnerable. . . I wanted to protect myself. I was struggling and questioning, slightly compromising, possibly? It didn't seem that big a deal or was it? I was not sure.

As we sat in church this past Sunday and listened to the Pastor preach on the topic of "Going" where the Lord has called you and being obedient no matter what. . . my husband noticed a teeny tiny piece of paper on the floor with the number 29 on it. He wondered if it was a message of some sort. He turned to Psalms chapter 29 and it read:

                                The voice of the Lord is over the waters;
            the God of glory thunders, the Lord thunders over the might waters.
            The voice of the Lord is powerful; the voice of the Lord is majestic.
                               The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars; .... 
vs 7-9
                     The voice of the Lord strikes with flashes of lightning.
                             The voice of the Lord shakes the desert;. . .
             The voice of the Lord twists the oaks and strips the forests bare.
                               And in his temple all cry, "Glory!"
     The Lord gives strength to his people the Lord blesses his people with peace.

Ok the two paragraphs are staying in the book and I will trust in the God of glory! He wants my obedience and trust. He has shown me His power and made it known He will give me strength. Who will I fear man or the Lord? May I be faithful in the message you have given me.
Remember always look for the Lord and you will find Him. He will make your path straight when you trust in Him with all your heart. There is nothing to be feared for the Lord is our strength!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I hear you Lord..."It is finished!"


     ~Yesterday, I clicked on Joyce Meyer message entitled "Faithfulness" and began to listen on the computer. I was passing time as I waited for my almost completed manuscript to finish printing out so I could again critique it. I had not printed it out in 2 years, but had only worked on the computer changing and rearranging. Just as the LAST page printed and came to rest on the desk I watched the electricity flicker and shut off~ followed by a loud roar of thunder. There was no mistaking the message I was receiving. I hear you Lord I said outloud and I began to cry. . . "It is finished."

   ~The power immediately came back on and as I listened to Joyce ~ God continued to make it clear. Joyce read from the Bible, "'Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus'(Philippians 1:6). God always finishes what He begins."

   ~I needed a sign and He showed me. "It is finished! There is no further improvement or change to be done. I am the Lord your God and I say so(boom)!" Ok so I did not actually hear those words audibly, but in my spirit I know my God's voice in the thunder and His timing was unmistakeable. It has been 15 years in the making and many drafts, I needed God to make it clear and He did. He spoke to me as Joyce says, "And we need to finish what we start." Today I will call the publishing company.

   ~Update I signed a contract and book will be ready in October sometime!!!~

Friday, August 24, 2012

~Simple and True~ Divorced? God Loves you!

Today Hope and I were talking in the driveway while waiting for her bus to arrive. She became very serious and looked up at me from her wheelchair and said, "You know God loves you even though you divorced my Dad." Then she sang a song for me, "God is a friend who will always be there He will be there right beside me. When I am troubled or when I am down He is a friend who can always be found."

 I could see in her eyes she sincerely was relaying a message to me from my Father in heaven.  A message she herself had found comfort in. My heart was touched and I let her know how much with a hug and kiss. I told her she was very wise and that she just shared a message everyone needs to know. Simple and True. Although I know this is true, sometimes it is too simple. I must complicate it with my doubts. Now I would argue I have no doubt, however, my insecurity and shame would scream otherwise. Believing it is secretly hidden I have recently had a friend ask me, "Why do you believe you are not worthy?" I quickly responded that wasn't the situation then it was clear to me as if a light was turned on, she was absolutely right! She could see it and she heard it in my conversation.

Secretly I believe I wear a capital "D". This is a lie from Satan, because being divorced does not define who I am in the eyes of my God. He sees me through the righteousness of Jesus. Jesus paid the dept for the forgiveness of sins. I love the Lord Jesus with my whole heart and at times believe I am only just beginning to comprehend His love for me. In my failures ~ imperfections, mistakes He is right there loving me. I would tell anyone and everyone the same and believe it for them, because it is the Simple and True message from God's Holy word.

I continue to discipline myself in God's word ~ to separate others conditional love and actions from the truth of God's word. "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons neither present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romains 8:38,39)

People will let us down and life will happen ~ not according to plan. If expectations of other's perfection, love and acceptance has crushed your spirit...know that the only perfect, unconditional love and acceptance comes from above. I will not fear what can man do to me...perfect love cast out fear and I am loved perfectly by my Father in heaven.

Friday, July 20, 2012

~JOY amidst difficult circumstances ~

"Some may see Hope, those who do not know her, and silently think 'how sad'. Hope is confined to a wheelchair and is only able to use her left hand. As a baby she could not do anything by herself. Much like all babies. She needed her mom and dad to feed her, dress her and care for all her daily needs. As she has grown older many of these needs have not changed. We still continue to dress her and care for all her daily needs such as bath rooming, showers, dressing. For the most part Hope finds her body "useless" as she has said in the recent past. However, if you spend anytime around Hope you will be blessed by her JOY. Hope is not a complainer, she goes about life living it fully. Seemingly unaware of her differences or others pity and even rejection at times. Jesus shines through Hope and for those who take the time to stop and listen will be touched by His joy and peace. Hope is like the healthy tree planted by a stream which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. The JOY of the Lord is Hope's strength.

I want to be like that tree. Joy should not dependent on my circumstances. Thankfulness is a way to stay firmly planted in the JOY of the Lord. Those roots grow deep and find the water. So even in the dry and thirsty land ~ trials and tribulations, we can have the joy of the Lord. Because the truth is ~ God will supply your needs according to His riches and glory~ and because of that promise we can have JOY.

Today God answered my simple pray "help me I can't do it" and He did it!!! Thank you Lord Jesus for caring about the small things that are big things to me that attempt to come in and steal my joy.

What is trying to steal your joy? An illness, a disablility, finances, a relationship, circumstances you did not create? The list is endless. Some are temporary and others last a lifetime. Hope's disability is for life, but God has given her pure JOY that is her strength. God will give you what you need too just ask him. There is no magic prayer. He is the living water to our soul nothing else will satisfy.

Monday, July 16, 2012

~The Gift and Gift Giver~

                                               My precious gift
                                               priceless treasure,


                                           so precious and adored.

                                           Blessing beyond words.

                                Yet the Gift Giver is the one to look to.

                                         Not to be obsessed by the gift,

                            but to appreciate the gift with a grateful heart~

                                            praising the Gift Giver.

                                    A gift cannot meet my every need,

                                             but the Gift Giver can.

                                  My eyes will remain on the Gift Giver.
                                                                                                        Terri Kellogg

I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." David wrote in Psalms what he knows is true ~ every blessing and every good thing in life, is a gift from God. They are trusted to us. Owned by the Gift giver. Let us not be obsessed or possessed by our gifts entrusted to us. God describes David as a man after His(God's) own heart. As David did ~ I desire also to keep God as the most important focus in my life. Lord help me keep your perspective on my life.

Is there a "Gift" in your life that sometimes shifts your focus off the Gift Giver? A job, friend, husband, child, ministry...You will know this is true when your happiness becomes dependent on your "gift" or circumstances ~ for nothing will satisfy our soul apart from God first in our life. We are made to worship Him.

I am thankful ~ Thank you Jesus for hearing my prayers and blessing me with a man who leads me and loves you like David.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

~Where to find rest~

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust...He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. Psalm 91:1,2,4

Do you have fears that keep you from taking the next step God has called you to do? I know for myself it has taken years to recognize fear for what it is. Fear many times is subtle...quiet. Sometimes I hear it trying to sneak up behindme to distract me from my forward movement. Other times in comes in plan view and as I steer clear, it tries to trip me up. I have grown to recognize many faces of my own fears: fear of failure, fear of loss of control, fear of rejection to name a few.

Now, they aren't so blatent, but rather quiet cleverly disguised through the years...For example fear of failure. I would clearly say I am not a perfectionist but I don't want to fail~ who does right? However, sometimes my overthinking a situation in order to make the "best" decision possible. I become the person who has procrastinated unintentionally proving the point of not being a perfectionist. The fear behind that crazy thinking is....fear of failure. It may be hard to follow if this is not your situation.

Regardless, the truth is I do not want to be a perfectionist or a procrastinator. I want to be an obedient child of God. So as I continue taking each cobblestone step forward toward publishing In That Secret Place [which is now published and available on] . I will not look to the left or to the right, because I know my Savior is protecting me, guiding me and loving me along the way and I rest in the shadow of His wings. I do not have to figure it all out ~ I trust in Him who knows the way.


What is the fear that binds you? Fear of the unknown? Fear of loss? Ask God to show you and He will. Truth of God's word: Perfect Love casts out fear.(1John 4:18)

Look at the mother swan in the picture above and know your heavenly Father loves you perfectly ~ fear not.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Expectation = Disappointment = Resentment

"I have learned silence from the talkative; tolerance from the intolerant and kindness from the unkind. I should not be ungrateful to those teachers." Kahlil Gibran.

When we expect man to treat us justly, kindly, respectfully...we are at fault. We have an expectation. Do you know that expectations set you up for a future resentment? We expect to be treated properly...then when we aren't...we are disappointment, frustrated, aggrevated~ all of these emotions are a close relative to "anger".

Not that we should lower our expectations, but rather we should tell ourselves the truth. We have no control over what others say or do. We are not responsible for their actions, but we are responsible for our reactions...this is when we really know what we
ARE in control of ~ ourselves only! Then honestly it won't matter, because we accept
the truth and when the inevitable happens (when we area treated unjustly) it will have little effect on us.

I am a work in process and would love to not struggle over and over again with the same issue, but I choose to learn and grow each time. I had an incident a couple days ago. I skipped right to angry...I was communicating with someone who I thought did not act in a professional manner. Her lack of honesty was hurtful to me and I felt deceived. I wanted to retaliate and punish. Tell her how she did wrong. Instead I thanked her for her time and hung up the phone. Then I was left with the angry feelings inside that I resisted expressing toward her. This bothered me all day. I asked God to show me where I was wrong. I could justify my anger very easily, but I did not want to grow resentment. What was really going on here?

Later that day Hope and I sat down to read a "VeggieTale 365 Day Starter Devos for Girls" and I turned to the first one and it was about "Forgiveness". Bottom line ~ Forgive...In order to receive forgiveness we must forgive. I realized punishment is not what others need it is forgiveness and that is what I need.

Is there anyone who crosses your mind and when they linger there you find yourself
remembering how they hurt you? We have the power to forgive and it sets us free. It is
opposite of what we want to do when someone wrongs us, but it is not for us to punish and judge. We are not to worry about whether or not we are being treated justly. When we are obedient to God's way for us we will receive blessings...choose this day to forgive and receive the peace that passes all understanding.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I am not the Punisher anymore...

How to accept those people who rub you the wrong way.

Have you ever the read the verse: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye. You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Matthew 7:3-5

For years this verse was totally lost on me. I did not have understanding and I remember when I first started to grasp it. I had started attending Alanon meetings and went as many do~ to stop someone from abusing a substance. It only took one meeting for my focus to shift to the person in the mirror ~ ME. I had for many years clearly seen where others could change and should change. Acceptance to me was not about unconditional love...acceptance translated tolerance and approval. I was the judge and punisher, any other behavior for me was condoning and I would not~could not accept wrong behavior. When God lead me to Alanon I was ready to see the truth of my situation and I looked hard in the mirror. My God was gentle with me, He didn't crush me. He loved me. I saw I had been doing the best I knew how. But I had been doing it wrong. Why did it take so many years to see the person in the mirror? I only know that God promises when you seek after Him with all your heart you will find Him. He doesn't say when you will have your answers, but God knows our hearts.

Today when someone "messes up" and their "mess up" effects me~ I remember that verse and look at myself in the mirror. What is the plank in my eye? I can honestly say I am not perfect and I can accept that now. Sometimes I still want to slip into "The Punisher Suit", but it doesn't fit me anymore. I immediately feel uncomfortable and I know in short time I will be made extremely aware of the person in the mirror and her shortcomings. When I extend acceptance and unconditional love I am able to receive it myself.

Can you see clearly where others go wrong? Do you hear yourself saying "If they would just..." do this or that? When I start down that path I recognize where it leads me in the end. I become critical and judgemental. I am reminded of the prayer we ended each Alanon meeting with:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Dream or Reality?

~The Shortest distance Between a Problem & Its Solution is The Distance between Your Knees & the Floor.~ Author Unknown

I was in a room full of people that were having a good time, but I was troubled. I was not sure why. I knew God wanted me to get on my knees and pray about what was bothering me. I felt embarrassed. What would the people think? Shouldn't I go somewhere private and pray. 'No' was the answer. I was to pray right there in the room. I searched for a place and I found a couch over against the wall. I lowered to my knees and bowed my head in obedience. Just as I began to pray several children came over and jumped on the couch. I was startled....awakened from my dream at that time.

We read in the Bible God spoke to people through their dreams...and He still does. Obedience to what God calls us to do~ without hesitation or concern for what others will think of us. Obedience is the answer to our difficulties. Reflecting back on the dream I realized I went directly to God for my comfort not the people in the room. God speaks to believers...not in an audible voice, but in a still small voice that we may know Him. (John 8:47)

Later the same day fear crept in and stole my thoughts. Remembering my dream I fell to my knees in obedience. My prayers were answered and I was fearless in the situation and blessed tremendously. Not because I did everything right, but I was obedient. What does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul. Deuteronomy 10:12. God is faithful and He hears ours prayers.

Is there something bothering you? Are you worried, concerned, consumed, fearful, unsure, confused or aimless? We don't have to figure it all out we can go directly to the creator of the universe. Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is ayone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. James 5:13

Monday, June 18, 2012

...he whispered, "You are not worthy"

It is just a picture I have on my refrigerator, but I can tear up everytime I look at it and remember. When I saw the picture for the first time I realized God's love for me. That may sound very fundamental..."Jesus loves me", but they weren't words simply spoken I knew it deep within my soul. I saw in the picture the child of God I am and I KNEW His love for me was just the way I am. I saw the loving, kind, gentle friend, mother and child of God I am. I did not have critical thoughts looking at myself~ my heart was filled with love for who I am. That may sound conceited, but it wasn't. I had compassion on myself and I received God's love for me in that moment.

That picture has been on my refrigerator for 1 1/2 years. I know it was a gift to me from my Father, for He knew what was ahead of me. He equiped me to remember the truth and that picture is a symbol to me. I would have never thought I struggled with this concept "God loves me". But I have come to realize for years I have found comfort and esteem in my Christian walk. I could only feel good when I was good. Translation "Perfect". I wanted no one to be able to point a "shame" finger at me. I struggled inside to be perfect as to not cause another to stumble.

~Then I divorced~

I was wide open for the enemy to attack who I am...he whispered in my ear..."you are not worthy."
..."You are not perfect."
..."You couldn't save your marriage, you divorced, you gave up."
..."Others think less of you."
..."How can God use you now?"

The life I had lived was believing God's love for me was dependent on my works. I would have argued that was NOT the case. However, my faith was being put to the test. Who was I going to listen to? The father of lies? or My Father in heaven who loves me?

Daily I take up my sword~ the word of God and I go to battle with the truth of who I am. God's word says.."Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..." Romans 8:1
..."There is no one righteous, not even one;" Romans 3:10
...I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing! Galations 2:21
..."The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. what can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:6
..."For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Do you know how much God loves you?...The Father's love for us is real whether we feel it or not. Tell yourself the truth. The Father gave His Son for You! Someday we will see Him face to face and there will be no doubt that 'God's love never ceases. Never...God doesn't love us less if we fail or more if we succeed.' (Max Lucado) We can fight the battle, the lies of the enemy and win! There is nothing that can separate us from the love of God.(Romans 8:38-39)

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

What will your symbol be?

~And it will be like a sign on your hand and a symbol on your forehead that the Lord brought us out of Egypt with His mighty hand. Exodus 13:16~

Hope's scar on her forehead from the failed abortion is a reminder of what God brought her through. Not a day goes by that I am not reminded of God's mighty hand in coming down and sparing her life that day in her birthmother's womb. The pucker in the middle of her forehead was formed from the surgery to close the scalp injury. The pucker is our Kissing Spot a "symbol"~ a reminder that God spared her life by His mighty hand.

This blog is a reflection and reminder of what God is at work doing so I do not forget. God is at work in each of our lives. I pray my sharing sparks a flame, sheds a light, renews a hope or encourages a forgotten dream in your heart. God wants us to remember what He has done and to look for what He is doing now in our lives.

Is there a sign or symbol you can place somewhere you will see daily as a reminder of what God has done for you?
-A magnet on the refrigerator
-a stone with your favorite verse or saying painted on it
-A piece of jewelry you can wear as a symbol

Friday, June 8, 2012

~Never to Forget Again~

On a recent visit to the card store I was reading each and every Father's day card to find just the perfect card. I counted making sure I had one for each Dad. First one for my real dad, then my 2 stepdads, one for Hope's dad and her new stepdad. My husband was busy picking out a card too~ I wasn't sure who? His dad had died when he was a teenager. Then he walked over to me with the card he chose...on the outside it read:
"Thanks Dad"
inside it read:
"Because of you I know what it's like to grow up with a great Father. And that's just about the best gift a son ever got. Happy Father's Day."

It was very touching to read what I thought he was getting in remembrance of his dad. I thought how the loss must feel and I was very thankful to have my dad with me still. Then my loving husband said, "I'm going to put it in the offering plate at church." Words scattered in my mind when at that moment I realized it was his heavenly Father he was thanking. I felt honored to be blessed with such a Godly man who truly lives his life mindful of His heavenly Father at all times. After my overwhelmed heart recovered~ it was quickly filled with shame. How could I have never looked at Father's Day from that point of view? I counted everyone and forgot my God!

We all have a Father in heaven who will never forget us. He has promised he will never leave us or forsake us. He tells us "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."(2 Corinthians 6 :18) For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. This Father's day I want to truly grasp who I am and whose I am ~ A child of God. Happy Father's Day to my Abba, Father! Thank you.

Friday, May 4, 2012

There is Hope...share it fearlessly....

Hope and I were invited to speak at a local high school for Disability Awareness this past Tuesday. We entered our last class of the day after lunch. It was a small class made up mostly of boys who looked as if they were sleeping before we walked in. I shared Hope's testimony and then Hope took over and played a couple games with them.

~First Hope started with a race between her and the football athlete. Hope and her wheelchair won.

~Second game Hope played her own version of "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?" The class became the live audience as Hope instructed them~ by cheering on their classmates as they answered Hope's questions.

~Then Hope had them participate in a dance off and every student participated. The students danced as Hope sang and they all laughed watching their teacher dance too.

This class was different than any of the other classes. Hope's whole presentation was different.

Hope was now in full swing teacher mode and she gave them an assignment to draw a teddy bear using only their mouth. They were very diligent in their efforts and the challenge gave them the "feel" of how difficult a simple task is when you have a disability.

After Hope built a relationship with them she asked the students to come forward because she wanted to talk to them. They immediately came to the front of the room and circled around her wheelchair. I had no idea what she was planning to say, I have learned to allow Hope to be herself and let God lead her just as He leads me.

Hope began by telling the students she had a very special friend in Jesus and He wanted to be their friend too. She said, "Jesus wants to be your Lord and Savior. He will never leave you. He loves you and has a plan for your life. I want to pray with you right now. Will you pray with me?" They all suprisingly said yes and bowed their heads.

Hope prayed the most heartfelt beautiful prayer over the students and teachers. "Jesus we ask you to come into our hearts and give us a new heart. Take the evil from us and the bad thoughts and give us a clean heart. Forgive us of our sins. Don't let satan get in our way to do what is right. Come in our heart and be our Lord and Savior right now. Amen."

Following the prayer was a huge group hug per Hope's request. I was so proud of my girl for her fearless sharing of what Jesus has done in her own heart. To listen to God's voice and obey is what this life is about. I know there must have been a reason this small class at the end of the day needed prayer. Someone in there needed to know there is hope.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Healing and prayer.....

Very recently I was at a place where time stood still...a place between life and death. Where the knowledge of life as I knew it and felt somewhat in control of was possibly coming to an end. I am not exaggerating as God knows my heart. I was desperately crying out to God for healing of a loved one. God's word is very clear, I am the Lord that heals you. Exodus 15:26 It is who He is and what He does. I prayed knowing this~"Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petition that we have asked." 1John 5:14-15 The word of God is the will of God. So I cried out to God everyday. Not wanting to be proud in demanding my way be done, but I cried out to Him for healing of someone I love. God heard my cries and answered my prayer and healed my loved one. I again am thankful and praise Him everyday for healing.

Does God always heal? I don't believe it is always His will. Does He always answer our prayers? I believe He does. And that may sound contradictory, but we do not know the mind of God. His ways are not our is about the big picture.

After Hope's adoption at 3 months old strangers and friends would come up and tell me they were praying for her healing. She had an obvious scarred scalp from the instrument used in the abortion and her body was stiff and nonconforming. She was severely developmentally delayed, but she had a smile and laugh that brought tears to your eyes. Hope was God's miracle little girl, this is the way I saw her. I often would thank the well meaning encouragers and let them know the great work God had already done by sparing her life. Through the years there were many times I prayed for needs to be met and God was more than faithful. Physical healing Hope has not received and at times I question, "Was it my lack of faith from the beginning?" Then I read in John 9:3 "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus.(referring to the blind man from birth) "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." John 9:3 Hope glorifies God in her life through the love and joy she freely gives to others. To be content in a body less than perfect speaks volume.

Through trials leaning on Jesus is where the strength comes from. Those times are tremendous blessings, because it is what we were created for~to walk closely with Jesus depending on Him not trusting in ourselves. In healing there is so much thankfulness, Lord, let me not forget what You have done.

What is it that you want Jesus to do for you? Come believing He is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or Him be the Glory. Ephesians 3:20-21

What does the Lord want from us? 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind,' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Matthew 22:37-38

God promises... you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:12+13

Monday, January 9, 2012

New Beginnings.......

"God is a God of second chances," Hope said after I took away her phone following her relentless talking back. Hope seems to have a way of bringing God's truth out at the perfect time. Some would call it manipulation, however, I believe she knows where to turn in times of trouble. I explained to Hope, "Yes our God is a God of second chances and we are forgiven for sins when we confess them. Jesus loves us and forgives us and I forgive you too and love you no matter what." Tears began to fall and her lip began to quiver as she questioned, "Really?"

Why is this so hard to believe sometimes? That we can be imperfect and still be loved. That we can make mistakes and God's mercy is new everyday. Maybe because man's love is so conditional. It is rare to find "unconditional love", "mercy and forgiveness". I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!”
Galatians 2:20-21

Well, Hope still had her phone taken away and the was a rough night, but she knows she is loved and forgiven. However, there is always consequences to sin, but God's mercy is never ending.

This year I have been blessed beyond words and there is no other way to express my joy and thankful heart, but to give God the glory for what He has done. I have not made perfect choices along the path, but I serve a God of second chances. In this New Year reach out to the God of second chances He loves you more than anyone and His mercy is never ending. He knows your heart, he knows your struggles and He wants to bring you healing and forgiveness.

Happy New Year! To New Beginnings...remember we serve a God of second chances!